LIVEJOURNAL WHAT HI I EXIST.
Aug. 9th, 2012 08:37 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
zolac_no_mikoSoooo there are things happening in my life, but as usual I have no time to talk about it. The next few days in a nutshell: job ending! Moving my life thirty miles! Officially applying for new job! Voting! Beach camping birthday party in Waipi‘o! Favorite person arriving! Sort of temporarily moving in with her! New job starting! And appointments and shopping and stuff.
Well that was fun, let's do a meme! Stolen from EVERYONE, EVERYWHERE.
Pick any passage of 500 words or fewer from any piece of fanfiction I’ve written, and comment to this post with that selection. I'll then give you the equivalent of a DVD commentary on that snippet: what I was thinking when I wrote it, why I wrote it in the first place, what’s going on in the characters' heads, why I chose certain words, what this moment means in the greater context of the story, and anything else that you’d expect from a commentary track.
For reference, complete collection of fanfiction I've written in the last four and a half years is here on my LiveJournal or here on my AO3.We don't need to talk about anything I've written before that.
Well that was fun, let's do a meme! Stolen from EVERYONE, EVERYWHERE.
Pick any passage of 500 words or fewer from any piece of fanfiction I’ve written, and comment to this post with that selection. I'll then give you the equivalent of a DVD commentary on that snippet: what I was thinking when I wrote it, why I wrote it in the first place, what’s going on in the characters' heads, why I chose certain words, what this moment means in the greater context of the story, and anything else that you’d expect from a commentary track.
For reference, complete collection of fanfiction I've written in the last four and a half years is here on my LiveJournal or here on my AO3.
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no subject
Date: 2012-08-10 07:30 am (UTC)As soon as I saw your meme, I thought of this section:
“Hmmmm,” she interrupted, watching him with hooded eyes. “I don't usually care to involve myself in your little squabbles.” She spoke with just the slightest tone of rebuke.
“Of course not,” Steve agreed hastily.
“Hmm.” She took a drag on her cigarette and watched them in silence. Steve fidgeted. Danny tried, with very little success, not to cough.
The woman smoked the cigarette down to the filter, then stubbed it out. “Well,” she said. She turned to Danny and smiled. “Thank you for feeding my dog.”
Danny blinked. “You're welcome,” he replied. He blinked again and she was gone.
Steve let out a long breath, slumping a little. He ran a hand through his hair.
“So, um,” Danny rasped. “That was....” He trailed off.
Steve nodded. “Pele. Yes.”
“Well, okay then.” Danny coughed a couple of times. “...She seemed nice.”
Steve laughed at that, a hysterical giggle.
no subject
Date: 2012-08-10 09:47 am (UTC)Hahaha, I totally called that this would be the requested scene! I've had a lot of comments about it, which makes me happy because I adore it, but I have trouble putting into words exactly why, so I'm thrilled that everyone seems to get it anyway. I'm going to talk about the scene as a whole, because... context is important. Or something.
This was one of several scenes that I outlined waaaaay early on in the story-constructing process. Pele is maybe the most prominent supernatural presence on this island, and she's my favorite goddess, so there was no chance of me not including her in a story that showcases supernatural Hawai‘i. And I had to do it right.
This scene got a little more complicated when I came up with the idea that Pele might assist Steve and Danny in the capture/defeat of Elika Olokui. It fits well as part of the lore; if you meet Pele, you're supposed to be VERY RESPECTFUL AND GENEROUS and she will remember you when next her volcano erupts and starts paving over people's houses. It was tough, though, because I needed to give her a reason to choose Steve and Danny over Olokui... I didn't want to depend on her simply not running into him, and if they met, for sure he would know better than to be an asshole to the Goddess of Lava and Fire. Luckily, Pele is known for being petty and temperamental, so her reason didn't necessarily have to be a very good one to anyone but her.
I start setting this up earlier in the scene... Pele is familiar with both Maka and Olokui and their families, as both men are active in the spiritual aspects of traditional Hawaiian culture and would be sure to give Pele her due when the occasion called for it. Part of the lore surrounding Pele is about her beloved companion and pet, the little white dog, so I selected the dog as the Kilauano family ‘aumakua specifically so that she'd be inclined to be fond of the family and their friends. For the same reason I chose the pig as the Olokui ‘aumakua... Pele has a very tempestuous relationship with her sometime-lover, sometime-enemy Kamapua‘a, the pig god, so she would be inclined to dislike Olokui for this reason alone. Danny and Steve both show her great hospitality, and I think she's inclined to give Danny extra credit since he obviously had no idea who she was and offered it anyway... and then, of course Danny's nice to her dog, too, so there are a lot of points in their favor as far as she is concerned.
no subject
Date: 2012-08-10 09:47 am (UTC)Danny, malihini that he is, is aware of Pele and who she is in a vague sense, but he's not intimately familiar with the details of her mythology, so he doesn't recognize her dog and he doesn't recognize her, at least not right away. He's nice to the dog because he likes dogs (and can I say, I was thrilled when canon stood behind my characterization of him). I'm... not entirely sure why he decides to offer hospitality to Creepy Lady In The Woods Who Is Probably A Ghost Anyway, and I don't think he's entirely sure either. I think he just had no idea what to do, and fell back on Be Nice To It Maybe It Won't Bite Me. Also the brindle mutt wasn't growling or freaking out, so maybe on some level he took courage in that. Anyway, he figures out pretty quickly that Something Important Is Happening Here based on Steve's reaction. He gets an inkling when she lights her own cigarette, and figures it out when he sees that bit of fiery glow in her eyes.
Steve... growing up here, he knows all the Pele stories, even if he doesn't believe. When Danny finds the cigarettes and gin (items she is known to be fond of), Steve immediately knows why Maka packed them. As they approach the part of the island ruled over by Pele, I think a part of Steve is half expecting to meet her. When he comes back to the camp and sees a Hawaiian woman and a small white dog, he knows immediately who she is. He knows exactly what to do, but he is SCARED SHITLESS because he also knows that Pele is the Hawaiian deity that you most want to avoid pissing off, and also that she is temperamental, so pissing her off inadvertently is not at all hard to do. I kind of can't believe he got up the nerve to ask her for help... I think it came out of his mouth before he knew what he was doing, and I think he had a bit of a heart attack when she reminded him that SHE IS THE MOTHERFUCKING GODDESS OF THE VOLCANO, TINY HUMANS DON'T TELL HER WHAT TO DO.
So yeah, I just love this scene, Pele all detachedly amused, Steve and Danny DEEPLY TERRIFIED but still compelled by their personalities to act in certain ways despite their terror, and then that rush of giddy, adrenaline-fueled hilarity when Pele took her leave of them.
no subject
Date: 2012-08-10 10:14 am (UTC)it's such a visceral scene. Previously when Danny found the gin and the cigarette, I was thinking, gift for a supernatural being? And then when Pele arrived... I know that you were saying above that Danny might have reacted more antagonistically given the experiences of the last few encounters, but no... because she isn't overtly threatening, she is however beyond confident and that comes across clearly in your writing. Danny's response is to that (and that the dog likes her). And then Steve arrives and a Navy SEAL is freaking out [understandably, because 1) that's Pele and 2) Danny puts his foot in his mouth as easily as breathing and 3) that's Pele]; Danny is reading the subtext and adding one plus one and coming up with four hundred.
when Steve giggles after she leaves, perfect, icing on the cake. Because, yes, that's a totally human response.
no subject
Date: 2012-08-10 10:30 am (UTC)Haha, glad you like Steve's giggle. Honestly, what do you do when you've just had an interview with a moody goddess who very well could've decided to BURN YOU ALIVE for some petty reason or other and knows that you know it, and "...She seemed nice," quips your partner– HYSTERICAL GIGGLING, that's what you do.
no subject
Date: 2012-08-10 10:48 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-08-10 05:09 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-08-10 05:11 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-08-10 05:17 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-08-10 05:35 pm (UTC)I hope he gets to wear a pa'u!
no subject
Date: 2012-08-11 10:11 am (UTC)As for the meme... Wah, that's so difficult! I think you would probably notice if I happened to (purely accidentally) quote the entire fic, so I'll just settle for this part from Pō Pouli ‘A‘aki (A Night So Dark It Bites With the Teeth) :
Then he stood, and he ran. Steve flew down the face of the cliff, a thousand-foot ramp of gleaming pāhoehoe. He slipped a few times and fell, rolling to his feet and racing on, heedless of blood and bruises. The burning in his lungs didn't matter. Only Danny mattered, and Olokui.
Steve reached the coastal flats. The sun had disappeared behind Mauna Loa; the lava plain was bathed in twilight. Olokui was visible in the distance, standing still, gazing at the flow of new lava that stretched between him and Kalapana. Steve gritted his teeth. He ran.
He ate up the yards in long strides. Olokui was almost within shouting distance. There was a rustling, a dark shape in the corner of Steve's eye, and he ducked instinctively. Claws raked across the top of his head as an ‘alalā swooped past him; wheeling in the sky, the raven made a beeline for Olokui, croaking hoarsely. Olokui turned, saw Steve pounding toward him across the lava. He dropped his pack, grabbed his rifle, and ran.
“ELIKA OLOKUI!” Steve bellowed, pelting after him. “FIVE-OH! STAY WHERE YOU ARE!” Olokui didn't stop. Steve drew his weapon. He was gaining on him, slowly.
They neared the new flow. Pāhoehoe stretched across the plain, the lava’s solid crust gleaming silver, but glowing red in the cracks and creases and oozing sluggishly at the edges of the flow, toes of glassy molten rock slowly expanding the flow’s boundaries. The air grew hot and pungent. Fires raged where the lava encroached on clumps of vegetation, incinerating shrubs and palms. The bass booms of methane explosions echoed menacingly.
Olokui reached the flow and did not stop, sprinting across its silvered surface. Steve clenched his jaw, put his head down, and followed.
The air was oven-hot. The surface was solid, but Steve's boots felt tacky as he ran; he could smell the rubber soles melting, burning. He shielded his face from the heat with one arm, wondering how long he had before his boots burned through. Running across the lava was stupid, suicidal. He needed to end this quickly. “Olokui!” he yelled, and fired a warning shot. Olokui didn't stop.
Olokui ran into a small kīpuka encircled by the new flow. Steve followed; fire blazed in the shrubbery all around them. A methane explosion boomed in the distance. “Olokui! This is your last chance!”
Olokui spun, bringing his rifle to bear. Steve skidded to a stop, taking aim with his pistol. “Stand down, Olokui, drop your weapon!”
I love that finale so much. :)
no subject
Date: 2012-08-27 09:29 am (UTC)Haha yeah I'm definitely not doing DVD commentary for the whole fic, that would take WAY TOO LONG.)
This scene... ahaha yeeesss~. This seems to be a popular scene among readers, and I'm glad, because I love it more than a little. The basic outline for this scene has existed since very early on in the brainstorming process, when I was trying to turn my very long list of Cool Hawai‘i Stuff I Want In My Fic into, like, an actual plot. I think probably this scene came into being as a natural consequence of the Pele scene. I knew very very early on that I wanted them to meet Pele, and the trope of Pele being kind/generous/merciful to those who deserve it is very common in the mythology, so the idea that Pele would assist in foiling Olokui was not an unlikely place for my brain to go. I don't remember exactly how I got there, just sort of letting my mind mull over story construction/plot problems (for instance, I knew I needed Olokui to die; our legal system just really would not be effective against a dark sorcerer) and out of nowhere thinking, "Ohmigod how awesome would it be if Pele helped them? Like, cut off Olokui's route with a lava flow? OH GOD AND THEN THERE COULD BE A BADASS LAVA CHASE SCENE YEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSS."
See one of the things I adore about H50 is the ridiculous over-the-top action sequences, all the car chases and flying tackles and wanton property destruction and crazy stunts. Show is FREAKING RIDICULOUS so throwing that kind of thing into the fic just seems right, you know?
Plus I have this thing about lava and how it is perceived by most of the world and how it is portrayed in media. And the thing is EVERYONE GETS IT WRONG. I mean, it's not their fault, really (except for the media thing, that's just poor research/laziness), the average person has not grown up in the vicinity of an extremely active but relatively friendly shield volcano, they haven't been down to see the lava spread across the coastal flats and pour into the ocean more times than they can count like I have, but. It is a Thing with me, it's a pet-peeve, it makes me twitch, so. Was I going to pass up an opportunity to write an action scene involving lava that was simultaneously ridiculously over the top and scientifically accurate? HECK NO.
So that's the thing about this scene; as ridiculous as it is, these are things that I know from personal experience. I've been there when the methane explosions have been going off, I know what causes them and what they can do. I know how solid lava is at what temperatures and how it feels to be near it, from years of personal experience running up to it and kicking it with my boot. I know that lava can be solid and cool on the surface and still red-hot and molten underneath, having personally walked over some. I've not crossed any lava hot enough to melt boot soles, but I know people who have. I've been there with lava creeping through the brush and everything going up in flames, so... take it from me, I've given you an authentic and realistic Hawaiian lava experience, described in as much accurate detail as I am able to provide.
Plus Steve and guns and yelling and mortal peril and machismo and everything you'd want from an excellent H50 chase scene. ^_^
no subject
Date: 2012-08-27 09:29 am (UTC)This is one of the scenes that needed a fair amount of editing, though. Mostly added detail for clarity and realism.
...I kind of love Steve in this scene. He's really in his element here, just sheer physical excellence and the single-minded focus of a laser, fearlessness to the point of reckless stupidity. Shouting at Olokui to stop with the full weight of the assurance of his authority, knowing he isn't really going to stop and yet sort of expecting him to. Confident and authoritative and expecting to be obeyed even with Olokui's rifle pointed at his face. Just. STEVE. HOW DO I ADORE THEE. LET ME COUNT THE WAYS. ♥_♥
I don't really have a lot to say about Olokui's thoughts and feelings in this scene, just, "OH SHIT!" and "Fuck, SERIOUSLY?!" and "OH MY GOD HE'S NOT STOPPING" and "SHIT SHIT SHIT!" And then a lot of smugness and sneering later.
The last thing I have to say about this scene is this: the coastal lava plain formed by Kilauea's recent rift eruptions is an area I visit fairly frequently, working for the Park Service or just sightseeing. I was just down there a week ago with
So there you have it. ^_^
no subject
Date: 2012-09-12 08:37 pm (UTC)OMG, now you're made me love this scene even more! I didn't really think that's possible, but it obviously is. *g* Having never been anywhere near lava in my life I love the realism in this scene - you make me feel like being there. And of course I LOVE Steve and all the action!
See one of the things I adore about H50 is the ridiculous over-the-top action sequences, all the car chases and flying tackles and wanton property destruction and crazy stunts.
I agree so much!!! That's one of the many things I adore about the show, too. *grabs show and hugs it*
LOL, now that you've mingled your RL with the show by writing this story, there's no escape anymore! :D I think that's really a good thing, though. I so much want to see a lava action scene in the show!!! (Couldn't they hire you as a script writer? Me wants! :D)
no subject
Date: 2012-09-23 10:17 am (UTC)