Obey Zolac!

Okay, so, there's this AMAZING website called Myths RETOLD (bettermyths.com) where this dude Ovid retells all our favorite myths in Bro-speak, and it is FUCKING HILARIOUS. If you are not already aware of the fabulousness that is this site, get ye over there right away. It's got everything you could possibly want and more: Greek myths, Norse myths, Hindu myths, African myths, Arabian myths, EVERYTHING. Including more contemporary mythology, certain films and novels and so forth that fall into a mythical format. Also, American superheroes.

...You know I can't actually resist that, right? So I will share with you the origin stories of Superman, Batman, and Spiderman, as told by Ovid. Read them, BUST A GUT LAUGHING, and go check out the other myths, you will not regret this, I promise.

"What if Superman was a Nazi"

"Batman is Gifted at Crimefighting, Not so Great at Names"

"Spiderman: Like Batman, but for Spiders"

YOU'RE WELCOME.

Omg ilu Google, this is why I don't even care if you take over the world.

New product from Google Maps. (YouTube embed didn't work, sorry.)

The Quest button actually works. Check out Street View!

HAPPY APRIL FOOLS' DAY, Y'ALL! :DD Thank you regonym for bringing this to my attention. ♥

ETA: ALSO THE YOUTUBE PRANK. Order now! XD

So there's this show on MTV called "Silent Library". It's a riff off of Japanese game shows, and it is unexpectedly hilarious, painful, and endearing. The idea is six friends compete together, they draw cards each round to see who has to undergo the surprise challenge. If the victim completes the challenge and the whole group avoids making too much noise (we're in a library, see, you have to be quiet), they win the money for that round, starting at $300 and going up. It's endearing because it's really cute to watch a group of bros, and then a group of WWE wrestlers, giggling and shushing each other and making sympathetic heart hands at each other. It's painful because oh my god some of the challenges. Some of them are just silly, like holding a pizza while your friends shoot the toppings at you with air guns, but then some are gross, like sitting in a nest and being fed a foul-tasting liquid by somebody dressed as a bird, or drinking a baby bottle full of fish water in twenty seconds, or eating a cookie made with coffee grounds and toothpaste in twenty seconds, and some are painful, like getting your hands slammed in a copy machine or having to sit at the end of a factory conveyor belt that drops cans on your junk or getting your nipples clamped and pulled by one of those automated horse races.

IT'S RIDICULOUS.

Later we were channel surfing, and there was some ghost show... on Animal Planet, I ask you, what even. Remember when television made sense? There was history on the History Channel, and the Animal Planet had animals. NOT GHOSTS. ...Anyway, this house had a wraith in it, and this team went in to BATTLE THE WRAITH, and they were burning sage and lighting saint candles and using holy water... and I was having a really hard time not giggling. look_alive, I think you know why. ♥

HEY. HEY. SO WHO'S GOING TO THE EMERALD CITY COMIC CON? Besides me and magusronin, that is.

HAVE YOURSELVES SOME VERY NICE SPAM. :D

First off, do yourselves all a favor and watch this video. If Patrick Stump's beautiful voice and beautiful face do not already fill your heart with joy, this video ought to. It is full of happy song and happy people doing REALLY AWESOME happy things, and there is a happy dog and Patrick is happy too. And adorable. WARNING: WATCHING THIS VIDEO MAY MAKE YOU HAPPY.

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And then there's this.

( In case you were wondering, yes, the Batfamily doing a Lady Gaga dance is exactly what you've been missing from your life. )

Due to a conversation I had with Ivan the other day, he is now aware of what a gigantic Batman nerd I am. And so, because he is wonderful, he gave me these links to Batman-related Robot Chicken skits. <3

Batman, Two Face, Hot Chocolate.

Jingle bells, Batman smells, Robin laid an egg~!

Okay, so, some of you may remember when I acquired a copy of the 1949 Batman and Robin movie serial at Office Depot for $10? And it was awful and awesome and hilarious? ...I should probably mention for posterity that they did manage to hoodwink me in a major plot point, so... the writers were not as dumb as I thought they were? I dunno that it was clever writing so much as cheating....

ANYWAY. Not long after I acquired that classic gem, I found the 1943 Batman movie serial for $10... I think at a Safeway? So I bought that too, DUH. I've only just now gotten around to starting to watch it.

OH. EM. GEE.

Okay, so this one is actually a much higher-quality Batman product. Better acting all around, better costumes... Batman and Robin are actually semi-competent.... Luckily this film is saved from not being a circus of lulz by being filmed and set during WWII. So... war propaganda! And, even better, RACISM!

I started to realize what I was in for when they opened a scene on Gotham's Little Tokyo, which had become a ghost town as Gotham law-enforcement had, and I quote, "wisely rounded up the shifty-eyed Japs." At which point I say, "...HOLY SHIT DID THOSE WORDS ACTUALLY JUST GO INTO MY EARS JUST NOW?!" :DDDDDDD

The Main Villain of the piece, is, in fact, meant to be Japanese, but as all the actual ethnic-Japanese in the country have been "wisely rounded up", what we have instead is an incident of... yellow-face??? The character is very authentically named Tito Daka; his hair is black and slicked back, he has a skinny little mustache, his eyes are all made-up to look dark and squinty, and he has a vaguery Asian-sounding accent. There's a truly amazing moment when someone he's captured exclaims something about his "twisted Oriental brain!" Daka has an army of EVIL AXIS CYBERMAN ZOMBIES that he controls through a special microphone, and radium-powered ray-gun technology. :DDDD

Bruce, Dick, and Alfred are FABULOUS, btw. Dick is ADORABLE. The one in Batman and Robin is... kinda dumb as a brick. This Dick is smarter, younger, more exuberant, and SO MUCH A BETTER ACTOR OMG. He has kind of a weirdo derp face, but... HE'S PRECIOUS. You get to see him weiring PIMPIN' SCIENCE GOGGLES, and also looking like a tiny GQMF in his pimp-ass suit at a restaurant. And and and Bruce and Dick actually go UNDERCOVER in COSTUMES so we get to see PAPERBOY DICK AAAAAAAWWWW HE'S SO CUTE!!! And he does many classic Robin crotch-dives! :DDD This is important. *nodnod*

Bruce is... kind of a special panda, omg. Just... asdfjkl;ljhgsd SCENE:

[Batman and Robin have small-time crook tied up for questioning in their "Bat's Cave"... small fluttering shadows can be seen]

Crook: [terrifed] What are those?!
Batman: [airily] Just some of my bats.

Also he uses appropriated evidence, which just happens to be a high-powered future weapon, to prank unsuspecting Alfred! And he and Dick have a big jolly laugh about Alfred's terror. Wtf? XD ...Bruce, just say no to firing ray guns in the house.

Finally, in case I wasn't already in love, Batman and Robin take, like, any excuse they can get to come CRASHING THROUGH WINDOWS at people. ...Oh man, I'm only two episodes in, this is going to be SO. AWESOME.

An addendum to my DCU-associated song list. Dammit, I knew I forgot stuff.

"King of Sorrow" by Sade - Another Tim song. You know how, within a fairly short time period, he loses his parents, his girlfriend Steph, his best friends Kon and Bart, Bruce, and his identity as Robin? Granted, he got Steph, Bart, and Kon back, and he knows now that Bruce is alive, but... JESUS CHRIST. How did this kid get out of bed every morning? "I'm crying everyone's tears... I have already paid for all my future sins" indeed. TIM YOU GIANT WOOBIE, COME HERE, YOU NEED A HUG. T_T

"Hey Mickey" by Toni Basil - Lolololol. Replace "Mickey" with "Dickie". 'Nuff said. I think this song fairly neatly expresses how every woman in the DCU feels about Dick Grayson. XDDD;

Also, bluerose16 found this for me:

Okay, so this is several days old, but it keeps coming up (bowchikkabowwow~), so I thought I would share it with you. While at the gym on Monday, Dar and Will and I saw a commercial in which firmly-muscled plumbers (oxymoron?) entice us to purchase Liquid Plumr's...

FOAMING PIPE SNAKE.

Best euphemism ever, y/y?

...That is all.